I was one of those teenagers who was mischievous and a little naive. I started College at 16 studying for Health and Social Care Level 2. I absolutely loved it and I was starting to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.
I wanted to become a carer. I passed my course and was doing work experience at a care home for the disabled and they offered me a job.
I remember that day so well. I was sat at home with my parents when the phone rang. My Dad shouted for me – the nervousness and anticipation I felt answering that call was unspeakable. I GOT THE JOB!
It was early mornings but I loved every minute of it. Getting to know the occupants and their stories and backgrounds was fascinating!
I lived in a small village at the time and I met a local boy who lived not too far from me. We became friends and it developed into a relationship. I was quite a shy girl who didn’t talk much. I met his Mum and brothers – it was just a casual thing at first. I wasn’t planning on having any children just yet – I had just started to get my life together.
Finding Out I Was Pregnant
A month had past and I was still enjoying my job – Life was good! I went up to see my partner at-the-time (we shall call him Mr.D for the blogs sake) after work and sat chatting with his Mum. She kept making jokes that I was pregnant. I had typically just brushed it off and laughed in a mild manner. There was no way I was pregnant, right?
I soon realised I was late, but that had happened before and it’s usually meant nothing. Mr.D’s Mum got me a test as a speculative measure. She was adamant I was, so we popped in a local pub for something to eat at the time and quickly nipped into the toilets to do the test.
In total dismay, astonishment and various other mixed feelings, 2 lines appeared on the test as clear as day! I remember saying to Mr.D’s Mum ‘What does this mean!?’
I had just turned 18 and I’d only been with Mr.D for a month. I was just at the beginning of my career. I felt overwhelmed, scared, happy, sad and all the emotions in between all at the same time. I had questions running through my head, ‘What am I going to do now?‘ ‘How’s this going to affect my life?‘, and ‘what do I do with my job?‘.
The pregnancy progressed and I came round to the idea of becoming a Mum for the first ever time. I still went to work, but later became quite sick through the pregnancy. I ended up in bed with dire sickness morning, noon and night, not able to hold any food down – I felt horrendous!
I had become too sick to continue on with my job, so I had to leave. I was devastated having all the work I put in to get there, to mean nothing now. I moved in with Mr.D and his Mum because I thought that was the best thing to do at the time, for me and our future child. We got along well as friends, but there was never a ‘spark’ between us – I kept trying for our child’s sake though.
Finding Out The Sex
I hit 5 months pregnant – It was scan date time!
We found out we were having A GIRL and she was perfectly healthy.
After seeing how this tiny baby was growing inside of me, it put things in perspective. It wasn’t about me anymore. I was going to be a Mum. Yes me, I was going to be a MUM! (couldn’t believe it, it soon dawned on me the absolute miracle that I was gifted with)
The excitement grew and I knew this tiny human was going to need me. She was going to love me unconditionally.
We got home and showed off the scan picture to Mr.D’s Mum and Step-Dad. All seemed well until an argument erupted between Mr.D and his Step-Dad – they never got along. It wasn’t exactly the ideal situation for an argument to break-out, but this one was worse than usual. Mr.D’s Step-Dad had no confidence in Mr.D’s capabilities as a Father, so Mr.D and I left.
I wanted to go back to my parents house but Mr.D didn’t get along with them either. I was in one hell of a predicament. What was I going to do now?
I decided to stay with Mr.D and we became homeless. We got assigned to a homeless hostel with nothing to call our own, no money and we had to rely on food-banks. I’d never felt so low in my life until then. This is not what I wanted for my daughter. I felt lost and broken, and I just wanted to go home. I needed my Dad.
We were there for a month. I became depressed but attempted to salvage the best of the situation as I only had three months left before my due date.
We could finally go back to Mr.D’s Mums! She had split up with her partner (Mr.D’s Step-Dad) and kicked him out, so she offered us back in. We accepted her offer without hesitation – anything was better than where we were. There was certainly no way I wanted to bring my daughter up in a homeless hostel!
My due date arrived, but no sign of baby yet. I had got everything ready.
I was excited but rather nervous because I was only 18 and was going to have a baby! It was life changing to say the least.
I had to have a sweep and my baby girl arrived 3 days late weighing just 6 lbs. The overwhelming feeling of love I felt at that moment truly defined our future together.
I’m a Mum – I couldn’t believe it even though it wasn’t what I imagined my life would be like at 18, I was just so happy to see my little girl in my arms.
It came the time to leave the hospital. I was finally taking her home. Everything felt positive. This little girl was a dream. We named her Faith.
A few days past and things got harder. I felt isolated and alone.
and then came the…..
I didn’t get any help from her Dad. He was always on video games. It was just me and this little baby, and I felt inundated, as if I had a huge weight on my shoulders gradually sinking and drowning. I had baby blues.
I made sure Faith was fed, changed and safe but there wasn’t a bond between us – felt just like another chore. I didn’t always feel this way – things did get better. I realised I wasn’t going to get any help and didn’t need any help from her Dad.
I reprogrammed my mindset in order to look after my little girl. It took a while for me to develop a bond, but I did get one. Mr.D’s Mum moved away so it was time to get a place of our own despite not being in a happy relationship. It had to be done for Faith.
Having Faith at an early age changed my life. I had my up’s and down’s, I felt emotionally drained and my God it was hard work! I was thrown into the deep end but I can safely say it was worth it. I had a lot to learn along the way but I don’t regret having her at all. She changed me, and the path I had planned out for myself.
She brings so much joy and sometimes headaches, but this little girl who is now 7 years old is just like me, her Mum and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
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