I was woken by Liam watching a film trailer on his phone this morning.
“What time is it?”
“20 past 7”
I must of not heard the alarm go off. I jumped out of bed snapping at Liam as I got up.
“Why didn’t you wake me!?”
I made my way down stairs to make a much-needed coffee. I felt completely exhausted this morning but I’m trying to start some kind of ‘new’ routine to make it easier for us as a family to get things done and much more organised.
Everything still feels up in the air. There doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day especially since we were out most of the day yesterday – from food shopping, to the school run and a trip back to the doctors as well.
The good news though is that I’ve managed to get my contraception that I’m currently on (Desomono) – well the prescription anyway. Apparently most chemist’s don’t seem to stock it and has to be ordered in.
We had to pop back to the doctors this morning too because Kiiara had to have her immunisations. They are much needed as she’s late for them. I hate the fact needles inflict pain on her – it makes me an emotional wreck seeing her tear up and weep after having been jabbed by one! Lots of extra cuddles will be needed!
If I’m honest I’m feeling a little down in the dumps today. I think it’s because I haven’t been sleeping properly lately.
I feel quite selfish just wanting an hour of my own company, just myself to relax and try to get myself out of this grumpy mood.
I feel emotionally and mentally drained at the moment, like everything’s getting on top of me. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way with tiny humans and a partner to keep occupied and take care of, but I’m only human and I’m guessing some parents probably feel the same way sometimes too.
It’s difficult to try and keep everybody happy sometimes. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s impossible to do. I’ve either annoyed my partner, the toddler is being a grumpy moo, or i’m the ‘worst mum in the world’ with the other two because I sent Faith into school when she didn’t want to go in, or I said “no” to the only little man in the house.
Parenting doesn’t come with a manual and I’ve seen all the children’s programs where parents are always smiling – never shouting and their children are like ‘little angels’ who never misbehave.
Ideal family life, right. But come on, that’s not reality!
Us parents lose our shit! The children can sometimes turn demonic without any warning and we can all get exhausted and just want abit of adult time to be ourselves, or perhaps to simply take a nap.
I’m not ashamed that I have days like these but I do feel guilty sometimes thinking how I should be doing this – perhaps needing to try and change myself, and envision the perfect mother that you see on the TV programs.
Feeling this way can knock your confidence as a parent, human being and somebody’s partner.
I love my family, there’s no doubt in that, but somedays are harder than others and I do struggle occasionally. I’ve realised it’s OK to feel like this sometimes – we are all doing the best for our children and we won’t give up even on the bad days. They are worth it after all!
Days can get better and it won’t feel like this forever. They will fly the nest one day and we will miss the noise and chaos of them all.
Love a tired, grumpy Mama.
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