Toddler Independence & How to Deal With It

When a toddler gets to a certain age, they want to be able to do things themselves without Mummy or Daddy. If they aren’t given the chance, they have a tantrum. I talk about this with Aurora and how I deal with it. Read about it here!

Since Aurora has turned two she’s shown that she wants to be more independent and I must say it’s the cutest thing ever!

I’ve recently seen a article on Facebook – a diary of a two year old explaining how toddler’s minds work. It’s a good read and I think it has good points about children of that age and how they think.

It mentioned about how we as parents teach our children to walk, speak and learn new things and we praise them for it, but when they hit the age of 2 the rules start coming into place. The word “no” is thrown around a lot which then leads to a toddlers frustration. That then leads to temper tantrums because they haven’t fully grasped their emotions and know how to behave yet.

In the diary it mentioned that when a toddler wants to do something such as get themselves dressed or brush their own teeth parents take over and do it for them, which in  Auroras case it causes a major meltdown – especially at bedtime when I get her pj’s on after a bath. It definitely feels like a fight as she flails around refusing to get them on.

I had the same problem with her last night but she was adamant that she wanted to get her own pajama bottoms on. I decided to let her – I thought it might make my life easier and as well it will give her the feeling of achievement doing it herself. The smile that radiated off her face just because she did it was extremely cute! She even clapped her hands together and said “did it”. I couldn’t help but smile.

This not-so-little girl of ours just wants a slice of independence, so who am I to deny her that? I keep her out of dangerous situations and the word “no” is used a lot but a parent teaching them right from wrong at an early age is IMPORTANT!

I took Auroras reins with me this morning when I took the children to school just in case she wanted to walk. Her pushchair is also broken so we thought we’d get her used to walking on them too.


After we dropped the children off, on the way back home we put her on her reins and to our surprise she walked all the way back without asking once to be picked up. She was certainly enjoying the freedom of walking around without being tied down to a pushchair. The smile on her face was priceless. Another step of independence for her! She was just chatting away as she went, pointing out the birds uttering “hiya birdies”. She was in her element.

When we returned home she was grumpy and tired from the walk back, and after she calmed down we made her breakfast and tried to get her into her highchair. She wasn’t interested one little bit. She just wanted to get out and play but she was also hungry.

I pulled up a chair for her so she could sit next to me at the table to eat her breakfast. As I put her on the chair she smiled and happily ate her breakfast with no problems. I think she enjoyed being able to sit on the big girl chair just like the older children and Mummy and Daddy.


I think as a toddler they need that little bit of freedom to explore the world and learn who they are and what they can do. With Aurora getting to do these things today she’s become a happy little lady.

I’m not saying to let them do whatever they want, otherwise you will have complete chaos on your hands. Toddlers can be little assholes most the time but I think with a little bit of leniency when they want to be a little bit independent, it will help their self-esteem and they’ll feel a sense of achievement as they learn new things along the way.

I’ve learnt that when Aurora has her tantrums, rather than getting all crazy at her, I ponder for a moment and think how she may be feeling and what I could do to help her. The main reasons she’s a grumpy madam is either because she’s hungry, tired or not able to do something she wants to do. I breath through it and think this tiny human is still learning her emotions and the way of the world.

We used to be that age once. I could imagine I drove my Mum loopy and to think I have to do it all over again with Kiiara, but luckily I have a while yet before she turns two.

So if you ever feel frustrated with that tiny human you created, just think they are only simply learning how to deal with their feelings. Plus if it all gets too much, a nap always helps and you get a bit of peace and quiet, and a well earned coffee too! (if you want one that is).


I would love to hear some stories of your tiny childs’ two’s and how they’ve shown their independence as they’ve grown up.

Love a proud Mama


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Author: Zoe

Hi! I'm Zoe Williams. I am a mum of 4 children and I am in a happy relationship with my partner Liam. I like reading, writing and various other activities. I like spending time with the kids and now I am here to blog about it.

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