Growing up, i’ve always been on the petite side. I even got quite envious of the curvy girls because I just couldn’t seem to put on any weight no matter how hard I tried!
It’s like I just hit 14 and remained roughly the same weight until the age I am now and I will probably always be the same. The only time I seemed to gain any was when I was pregnant. Within 2 weeks of giving birth however, I went back to my same-old petite self.
It’s just who I am and it runs in my family. We’re all a little on the short and skinny side. Over the years I felt unattractive because of my weight and the way I looked. Friends seemed to be filling out and getting bigger and I just seemed to remain the same. In school because of how I felt about myself, i’d make sure i’d always get changed for P.E (Physical education) away from everybody else just incase I got judged and laughed at.
After a few years or so I finally realised that I wasn’t going to be able to change it and the only thing I could do was embrace it instead. Which leaves me with the way I am now. I love my food but I still don’t gain the weight. I’m ok with that now, it’s just the way I was intended to be.
A few years ago when I was pregnant with Wyatt I had to go to see a consultant. I was classed as high risk because he was apparently too big for me (even though Aurora was bigger).
When I arrived I remember the consultant giving me an ear-full about having an eating disorder and making sure I ate because I had a low BMI (Body mass index). I tried explaining to her that I do eat quite a lot and I didn’t have an eating disorder – it’s just in my DNA. She got on my nerves because she wouldn’t have any of it. She even spouted that I would put Wyatt at risk and that I needed to think of the baby growing inside me.
He was on the larger side, but there’s nothing more I could do than what I was doing to put on weight. I left that appointment feeling terrible. I battled with myself for years trying to get my weight up and instead got judged and made to feel awful. Obviously as my pregnancy progressed my BMI went up and so did my weight but after he was born I went back to a lower BMI and lost all my baby weight again.
Just the other day it happened to me again. I had a routine contraception review to check whether the contraception i’m on suits me, to check my blood pressure, and to check my weight and height before they prescribed me my next 3 months worth.
As I went into the nurses office she asked me whether I experienced any side effects and whether I felt ok being on the one i’m on, to which I replied “yes”. After taking my height and weight she calculated my BMI and it came back at 17.5 which makes me underweight apparently.
I sat and thought “here we go again”. She gave me a telling off uttering that I needed to make sure I eat bread, fruit, cereals, vegetables, meat and so on which I get plenty of, so I replied back “I do eat them. It’s just i’ve always been this way.” I even told her I breastfeed which of course she had to tell me that I needed to make sure I get a lot of protein and carbohydrates – of course I knew this already too.
Kiiara seems to be a healthy weight and Aurora was too when I breastfed her when she was younger. I felt like I was speaking to a brick wall. She just kept shutting me down when I was speaking. I guess she probably thought I was trying to make excuses. She even informed me that because I smoke, my BMI was low and being on contraception, i’m going to be at risk from osteoporosis when i’m older. Great, thanks for that!
I felt depleted when leaving the nurses office and a little annoyed too. As much as I try I feel like i’m being body shamed. People are unique. We all come in different shapes and sizes and it’s a horrible feeling when people judge you for how you look. Whether you are curvy, skinny, short or tall, I think we should all embrace our uniqueness. These are the little things that make us who we are!
I’ve learnt over the years to just accept my size and try not to let anybody get to me if they talk behind my back or just simply to my face when it comes to medical staff. I like the way I am. It may have taken me a few years or so to get to that point i’m at now but i’ve got there eventually.
I’d love to hear some stories whether you have ever been body shamed? If you had insecurities and how you’ve overcome them?
Just remember girls you’re all beautiful just the way you are!
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