It is slowly approaching the 7th of July, which is an emotional day for Me and my family. It will be a year since my Daddy passed away.
I still remember that day like it was yesterday. The dreaded phone call I received in the morning to tell me that I needed to go see my Dad quickly because he was struggling to breath and wasn’t going to survive much longer (if you haven’t already read my detailed post about it, check it out first here).
The panic I felt contacting Liam to take me there as soon as possible too. Arriving too late to say my goodbyes, seeing my Mum fall apart before my eyes, and having took me to see my Dad just lying there motionless on his bed. It still feels so raw even though it’s been a year since he left us.
I honestly can’t believe it’s been a year already. I know my Dad would want me to continue living my life without it getting me down but I can’t say it hasn’t. A years past since he’s been a complete numpty and made me giggle. A year since i’ve received texts or a phone calls telling me he loves me. A year since I heard his voice and inappropriate jokes. A year too long to be without my Dad.
You see my Dad and I were close. He was always the person i’d turn to if I felt down, and even in my 20s I still went and had a cuddle with him. It would feel just that little bit better and even if he didn’t say much, we’d just watch his soap opera’s and would express how some of the characters drove him crackers and how he’d know exactly what was going to happen in the storyline. He was right most of the time and had to point it out with “What did I tell you?”.
Losing my dad was not something i’d ever thought would happen. It was just one of those things. I thought he’d be around forever. Logically I know that’s not possible but you get the jist.
I remember saying to him just a week before he died that he’s got to stick around until Liam and I get married.
He replied back,
“I ain’t going to live till i’m 90 Zo.” (He was 71).
He definitely had a great sense of humour and was extremely outspoken which was a trait I loved about him. His honesty always got people laughing but also sometimes it too pissed people off. He was definitely a one-of-a-kind, my old Dad.
I’m grateful i’ve got the memories I have of my childhood growing up. They were good times but I also miss the memories we could have made. I was pregnant with Kiiara when my Dad became sick but he passed away before we could tell him what we were having. Our scan was 10 days after he died. He didn’t get chance to meet her either, which completely broke my heart.
I don’t think grief ever goes away – you just keep on going because you have to. I keep going for my children and Liam but I still have my bad days where I wish I could just see him one last time or just hear his voice for a little while. I find anniversaries, birthdays and Father’s day the hardest. It’s just knowing they can’t be there when you really want them to be.
For him not being able to see his grandchildren grow up is another major factor that I really struggle with. He’s not going to be around for birthdays. All i’ve got is stories to tell of the crazy old man that was Mummys hero.
I miss him, I really do and there isn’t one day that goes by that I don’t think about him. I just try and hold on to the memories I have of him from just a few weeks before he passed away where he still remained upbeat as much as he could.
This post is a tribute to my beloved Dad. We miss you so much and will love you forever. You will never be forgotten!
R.I.P John Warren 07/07/2017
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